4. The passive aggressive craigslist post
We followed up with this loving husband and unfortunately, we weren’t able to get a direct comment on his luck with finding a taker for his day off. We were able, however, able to get in touch with his divorce lawyer who informed us that he no longer has to worry about his soon-to-be-ex-wife’s household chores anymore—once the papers are signed next month. I guess Mrs. Passive Aggressive didn’t find her husband’s Craigslist post as amusing as we did.
UPDATE: Following our first unsuccessful attempts to contact said Craigslist author above, we did manage to spot a follow-up post on the same forum. Bryan is no longer looking for someone to take his day off! He is, however, in need of a one-bedroom apartment.
5. Passive aggressive wifi
It’s hard to decide what’s worse, bad grammar or bad music? Nothing says sheer idiocy more than the use of “your” for “you’re” or any instance in which “there” exists where “their” or “they’re” should be. But then again, neighbors playing their poor music choices so that the entire block has to suffer through all three minutes and forty five seconds of Justin Bieber’s “Baby” over and over and over again sounds like something straight out of a war prison camp. Why don’t we just all call a big truce and come together to start stealing ubnt’s unprotected internet connection to brush up on our first grade spelling skills and download illegally download a few tunes we can al agree upon. A little Wu Tang, anyone?
6. So long staying orphan
Talk about effective marketing strategy. You’ve got to be a real soulless prick to toss the little starving boy from Africa into the trash with your gas bills, jury duty summons, and overdue parking violations. Come on, it only takes a dollar a day to give this little eleven-year-old enough food for a year. Is it that important for you to have Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime AND DirectTV subscriptions when this kid can’t even get a decent Happy Meal once in a while? Imagine life without ever having tasted the sweet satisfaction of a McNugget in all its golden glory? Yeah, pretty scary a thought, isn’t it?
So come now! Have a heart! Don’t trash the little tyke! Where’s your holiday spirit?!